Archives. August 2009

"Too many things are occurring for even a big heart to hold."- W.B. Yeats

The Big Heart- Anne Sexton

Again and again
And they know me,
they help me unravel,
they listen with ears made of conch shells,
they speak back with the wine of the best region.
They are my staff
They comfort me.

They hear how
the artery of my soul has been severed
and soul is spurting out upon them,
bleeding on them,
messing up their clothes,
dirtying their shoes

Nostalgia. Longing and yearning. "I am awake and feel the ache." - Regina Spektor, we would be good friends. Please teach me to sing as you. The eve of my departure for a camping trip to Mt. Rainier with dear friends. As I think of turning 26, my thoughts turn to the people in my life who have contributed to life itself. I think my life is/ has been sustained by relationships, by conversation, by the type of eye contact in which two really see each other. By long walks and spaces and gaps.

Longing, June 2009

I sit with you on a bed. Your son scribbles with pen, he hands me pieces of paper torn from your journal. He begins to dance in between the spaces and gaps. Your mother on a ventilator for two years. All she wanted was a grandchild. The death of your father at age 7. The 5ths of vodka. Seraquil and Lemictal. "I feel like I'm coming down. I don't know if you've ever done acid, but my thoughts are like I am on it." "Yes, this is what I need." "I bet you have heard a lot in counseling." I am a microbiologist. After my first abortion, I told myself I would never go through with it again. That photograph there. When I wanted to end my life two months ago. When the cops came and...